The day a man marries he’s doing so with a full heart and the very best intentions. You’d be hard pressed to find a man who recently wed who will say that he doesn’t believe his marriage will last. People just don’t take the walk down the aisle or make the emotional commitment if they don’t believe their union is going to fulfill them for a lifetime.
That’s why it’s sometimes devastating for a man when he realizes that his wife is no longer invested in the marriage the way she once was. He may panic, he may instantly assume she’s considering a divorce and he may do or say things that impact their basic bond in a very negative way. It’s important for any man in this position to understand that all marriages have a sense of ebb and flow to them.
Relationships are fluid and the dynamic shared by a couple is bound to shift as their life goals change. How you handle this will determine whether the marriage can once again find a positive place or whether the end is eventually going to be inevitable.
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Determine What Your Wife is Missing From the Relationship
Before a man can set out on a course to remedy his splintering marriage, he needs to pinpoint where the problem is. You may think you understand what your wife is feeling but unless you discuss the issue of your faltering marriage with her, you won’t know for certain. Your wife may not be as willing to jump into an honest conversation about what is troubling her, but you have to make it clear to her, that your marriage is your number one priority and you’re willing to work with her to remedy the problem.
Ask her in a very calm and compassionate way why she feels space is necessary for her at this point. You must be prepared for her answer. Some women feel a need for space because their husband virtually ignores them when he comes home from work each day. Other women just miss the romance that was once there and has now been replaced with a sense of expectation and a feeling of being bored.
When your wife shares with you why she feels the need for some distance, be prepared to be hurt in an emotional sense. However, you need to view that pain from a place of positivity. Instead of dwelling on what your wife isn’t happy with in terms of you and the marriage, focus more on what you can now do to fix the issues. Knowledge is really the key to dealing with a wife who isn’t feeling satisfied within the marriage any longer.
Reinvent the Connection You and Your Wife Once Shared
It’s impossible to go back in time but there are many things a man can do to recreate the connection that once existed between him and his wife. Your lives have obviously changed in many ways since you two walked down the aisle and exchanged wedding vows. The devotion and commitment you two have for one another doesn’t have to be one of those things.
You may have already considered the idea of taking your wife out on dates. Many men think this idea is a foolish and unnecessary effort because the courting stopped when the wedding took place. It shouldn’t be that way. Your wife will undoubtedly be surprised if you suggest the idea of an evening out that resembles a date, but encourage her to embrace it.
Another great approach a married man can take if his wife is considering taking some time away from the marriage, is to suggest a weekend away just for the two of them. At first, this may seem ill-timed if your wife has one foot out the door, but it can actually be a wonderful way to regenerate a dying marriage. If you two haven’t taken the time to focus just on one another for a long time, now is the ideal time to do that.
If your wife argues that she wants less time with you, as opposed to more time, ask her to consider it as one last favor. Even if she begrudgingly agrees, the time away and the chance to reconnect as a couple may be the turning point for her. She may just come back from your excursion as committed to the marriage as you are.
Seriously Consider Your Wife’s Needs
Some women who aren’t feeling content within their marriage are convinced that some space is exactly what they need to evaluate where their life is heading. This is a scary proposition for a man who truly loves his wife and only wants a future with her.
You can’t deny what your wife wants though and if you continually try to, she’s going to become more and more disgruntled and will eventually just decide to pack her bags and leave anyways. You must listen to her and acknowledge what she feels and that means acceptance.
If she is determined to separate in an effort to gain some space from you, make certain that you have an understanding in place for when that happens. If you’re intent on saving the marriage, it may be prudent for you to agree to a short-term trial separation with the stipulation in place that she will attend couples’ counseling with you. That way you’ll both be working on the marriage even if the two of you aren’t currently living together.
It’s very hard to see any positive benefits from a separation but there are a few. Your wife may realize, once she’s taken her leave that being alone isn’t what she wants at all. In life we sometimes believe that things will be remarkably better if we make a change, only to realize we are wrong once we’ve taken the plunge. In addition, have a break from your marriage will put the focus squarely on the issues that have torn you two apart. It’s an ideal chance for the two of you to address them in an honest, open and productive way.