When to Take That Leap of Faith into Marriage
Putting yourself out there to meet marriage-minded singles can be a lot of work. If you are dating people you know only from the Internet or a phone conversation, this can be frustrating. But just remember, you are able to exert all this effort because you believe it’s going to work and that before long, you are going to meet that special someone. I’m here to tell you that yes, it does happen. On the other hand, what if you are in an exclusive relationship with someone and wondering if he or she is the Right One? And how can you tell when it is happening to you? What are the signs that he or she is the Right One?
There are signs that a relationship has lasting value. There is more to it than simply being in love. You are committing yourself to a lifelong relationship, so you will want to think about where you will be in 10 years, in 20, in 50. Think about how you feel about your partner now, and imagine how you might feel when you are taking the grandchildren to Disney World 30 years from now. You may want to ask yourself the following questions about the relationship you are now in.
Chemistry. Do you get a lift by just seeing this person? Do you desire to be with this person a lot?
Love. Do you have genuine concern for this person and deep caring about his or her comfort and well-being? Do you believe in this person and what he or she stands for?
Common Goals. Do you share the same dreams with this person for 10 years from now and beyond?
Shared Values. Do you share similar emphasis on what matters most to you in life? Do you care about the same things?
In my interviewing I have found that there are six criteria that married couples most often cite as the reasons they took the leap of faith and got married.
Six Signs That You Have Found the Right One!
There is a feeling of home
There is a sense of comfort. The person you are dating feels so naturally right that it seems preordained. You just know that this person is the one. It’s like you have known each other your whole life because it’s so easy to talk to one another. You feel familiarity with your partner. You can be sitting on the beach with nothing else going on, and just being together is enough.
There is a flow
The relationship has ease. Time just flies when you are with the right person. Yes, relationships take work, but this is joyous work. The concept of flow is true both in and out of the bedroom! For instance, at dinner in a cute Italian restaurant, instead of ordering two entrées, you order two appetizers and one entrée to share your choices. You have a spirited discussion about which wine to order. He wins, but you are pleasantly surprised that you adore his choice. Without a big effort, things just move along.
You are able to laugh together, have fun, and enjoy each other’s company
You enjoy each other’s sense of humor, even though you may not have exactly the same humor, and you do crack a smile. On our second date my husband and I were sitting in a restaurant booth and both blew straw wrappings at each other—like kids! We both had a good laugh. It’s okay to be silly with the right person.
You are each other’s best friend
There is a sense of trust and loyalty. You know your partner will be there for you through thick and thin. Your partner can be counted on to give you the benefit of the doubt when others find fault with you. You want to share everything with this person—the good stuff and the bad stuff. If the boss doesn’t appreciate her work, you are the one who encourages her to apply for a transfer and assures her that others will see her strengths—just as you do.
You are passionately fond of one another
You arrive from the airport after midnight, exhausted. He has been waiting up and leaps to the door and throws his arms around you. You know he’s genuinely happy you’re back. It’s not an act. He really wants to be right next to you because he’s missed you so much the past three days.
You both act in a we way rather than in a me way
She loves scuba diving, and you love hiking. Instead of heading for either the Caribbean for her or the Appalachian Trail for you, you research options until you find that resort in Costa Rica where she can dive and you can hike. Even better, the resort has golfing facilities that you can enjoy together. Whether for long- or short-term goals you make decisions that benefit the relationship instead of only the individual. You share life goals and work together toward them. You care about how your actions affect the other person. You are willing to work out your differences to keep your partnership going.
When all these signs are in place, then it is natural to want to take the relationship to the next step, which is marriage. Sometimes, though, several of these signs are missing in your current relationship. At this point you must decide if you want to give it more time to see what develops or to move on to find someone who could be better suited to you for marriage. This isn’t an effortless path for it’s too easy to hope things will change with your partner. The probability is that your partner will not change his or her personality. It is what it is. Those who are determined not to settle for anyone less and stay focused in order to achieve their goal of finding the right marriage partner are truly Motivated to Marry™!
My mom has an expression: Fish or cut bait! Either you want to get married to that person, or you don’t. If you are not sure, listen very carefully to your gut—because I will bet you that this person is most likely not the Right One. I have seen time and time again with couples over 30 years old that when there is aligned synergy between them, the couple gets engaged in six to eight months and married within a year or two at most.
When all the ingredients are in place and there are no outside influences or beliefs standing in your way, you will surely be impelled to take that leap of faith into marriage and embrace your precious and fortunate union.
** This article is one of 101 great articles that were published in 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. To get complete details on 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life, visit http://www.selfgrowth.com/greatways2.html.