My Spouse Had an Affair – Where Do We Go From Here?
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Making the right decision at this emotional crossroad will affect you, your spouse and your children. Due to the nature and the pain of dealing with an affair, it is very important not to make decisions from the emotions of anger or bitterness. This is the time in your life where deeply rooted questions about your marriage and relationship must be answered. First, you will have to discover what caused your spouse to cheat before you can decide what is next. The wrong thing to do is to react to the situation by talking with someone close to you who has not successfully overcome an affair.
One of the main questions that arise is, Should I stay in the marriage? Staying or leaving in a marriage should never be solely based on the fact that your spouse cheated. The affair is not the problem, but it is the result of a problem. The root of the problem is what you must be able to identify in order to make a wise decision in determining future plans. Without the truth from both parties involved, the emotional progress will be hindered.
Working through an affair takes two people; therefore it is going to take both of you to decide on the future of your marriage. I know this for a fact because my wife and I both had an affair and it took both of us to be honest, patient and willing to work on our marriage. One thing I can tell you for sure is that restoring love and trust in your marriage is possible. If you and your spouse decide to work through the affair you are going to need all the emotional support you can get especially from one another.
I know as you are reading this article there are many questions that are coming to your mind. I know because I have walked in your shoes. Let me see if any of these questions are coming into your mind and heart; Will I ever be able to trust my spouse again? How do I know my spouse will not do it again? What was my spouse thinking? Did he or she consider the cost of losing his or her family? And one of the biggest questions of all is: Do you love this person whom you had the affair with? The answer to each of these questions brings emotional hurt and pain, but these answers are necessary to help you decide the future of your marriage. At this point in your marriage, there is no room for either spouse not to be totally honest and transparent.
The direction for the future rests upon the foundation of love and trust that was established at the beginning of the relationship. The question where do we go from here will be determined by the ability to hear and accept the truth. If either spouse desires to continue to hide any areas of truth in their life, this is an indication that the rebuilding of the marriage will be built upon false hope.
The ability to move forward effectively in your marriage will be based upon your ability to accept the truth and forgive your spouse. In other words, the question you have to ask yourself is, “Where do I want to go from here?” Life is choice driven and the choices you make at this crossroad in your marriage will affect more than your money. The choices that you make regarding your marriage will not only affect you but your children and their future also. Remember an affair does not have to destroy you, your marriage or the future dreams of your family.