Marriage S.O.S.

Marriage S.O.S.

Advertisement: If you ever need any help with fixing your marriage, I would suggest you take a look at this video (opens in a new tab):

The ultimate couples guide to a perfect marriage by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

“Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something

you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your

partner every day.”

Advertisement: If you ever need any help with fixing your marriage, I would suggest you take a look at this video (opens in a new tab):

The ultimate couples guide to a perfect marriage by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

-Barbara De Angelis

There’s a lot of husband bashing going on. When it comes

to childcare and chores around the house, husbands are

often referred to as “lazy, incapable” and are accused

of “just not getting it.” One of my friends even said

“Husbands! Are they really this dumb or do they just

pretend?” The countless stories seem so similar in

nature that I often wonder if we’re all married to the same

man!

Let’s explore this “infuriating” behaviour. Believe

it or not, our husbands aren’t always to blame. Pull out

your compact and take a good, long look. It’s time to

face the truth and realize that we are often responsible

for the type of husband we have. Read on, because these 6

marriage tips might just be the help you’ve been

searching for.

When our husbands are on “child duty”, we tend to

swoop in and save the day at the first sign of distress.

And with good reason. We can do it faster, better and

smarter, right? Maybe so, but in the process, it enables our

husbands. We let them off the hook and then resent them

later. In their eyes, they can’t ever seem to get it right

so why should they bother trying?

Marriage Tip #1- Give up some of the control. Your husband

may have come from a family where his Dad didn’t have

anything to do with childcare, so he didn’t have a very

good role model. At least he’s making an effort. If it

means he feeds your child/ren cheerios for dinner, or

takes the kids out while they’re still dressed in their

pj’s, so be it. Give him room to parent his way. It makes him

feel important and frees up time for you. Choose your

battles and stop nit picking.

Men aren’t known for their mind reading skills. Half the

time you tell them what you want and they still don’t

get it right. A lot of moms don’t voice their concerns

because they don’t want to add more pressure or burden on

their husbands. If you try and protect his feelings, you’re

sacrificing your own. And in the end, you’ll be bitter

and angry and he’ll be no better off.

Marriage Tip #2- Communicate often. Be very clear about

your needs, wants and desires. Talk about what’s working

and what needs to change. Give him the same chance to talk

about his feelings and what he needs. Listen to each other

and make a point to keep the lines of communication open.

Set aside time every week to check in and make sure that

all is good in your world.

There are a lot of moms who feel resentful because

they’re struggling to do it all and still don’t feel

like their husbands consider it hard work. Some moms think

their spouses have it easier because they get to leave the

house and get a break from the chaos. The truth is, both

jobs are challenging. Moms need to recognize that Dads

have a lot of pressure too. They work hard and are stressed

out just trying to provide a certain lifestyle for the

family. Most Dads today are also more hands on and involved

with their kids. Plus they still want to be good husbands.

Marriage Tip #3- Support each other. Stop competing for

who has the harder job. Realize that you’re both

contributing in your own ways and are both vital to

providing a healthy home environment. Ask about his day and

listen without judgment or anger. If you feel like you’re

not getting the support you need from him, let him know and

explain what he needs to start doing.

Motherhood is a thankless job. Babies thank you in the

form of a burp and if we don’t constantly remind our

toddlers to say please and thank you, we’d never hear it.

Our hard work and dedication often goes unnoticed by our

husbands too. But when was the last time you thanked or

acknowledged your spouse for all that he does? He also needs

to feel validated and important.

Marriage Tip #4- Give thanks. Make a point of

acknowledging all the effort that your husband is making.

The operative word is effort. Remember his way may not be

your way, but recognize that he’s trying. Praise him

effectively like you would a child. So instead of just

saying “thanks”, say “Thanks for giving Jack a bath

tonight. It gave me the few minutes I needed.” Once he

feels like he’s being acknowledged, he’ll want to do

it more and start to recognize your efforts too. And if he

doesn’t, let him know that’s what you need to hear

every now and then.

You’re tired, spread so thin you’re almost transparent,

and all you want to do is get into your flannel pj’s and

go to bed. ALONE! Understandable. But when this becomes

your routine day after day, those days turn into weeks,

then months and sometimes years.

Marriage Tip #5- Make your relationship a priority.

Schedule a date night at least once a month. Open a bottle

of wine after the kids are asleep and talk about your

days. Making time for each other is not only important for

you and your spouse, it’s vital for your child/ren. It gives

them a healthy blueprint of what a solid relationship looks

like. Plus it’s a lot easier to get through all the

challenges of parenthood when your marriage isn’t one of

them.

We may think our spouse has really high expectations of

us, but often, it’s just a projection of what we expect of

ourselves. Having unclear or unrealistic expectations adds

unnecessary pressure. We take on all sorts of roles

because we feel that’s what makes us a “good mom” or a

“good wife.” But in who’s eyes?

Marriage Tip #6- Make your expectations clear. Talk to

each other about what you expect. Divide the chores and

childcare duties together so you’re each on the same page.

If you’re going out or away for the weekend, write out

everything you want him to do. Don’t assume he knows

just because you think he should. This will ease the tension

and anxiety on both your parts.

Action Challenge.

Take an honest look at your relationship. What areas need

improvement? What do you have to do to make positive

changes? Try to see things from his point of view and help

him understand yours.

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