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Marriage, Adultery & Soul Mates – It’s Natural to be Attracted to Someone Other Than Your Spouse

Marriage, Adultery & Soul Mates—It’s Natural to be Attracted to Someone Other Than Your Spouse

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A client of ours told us that she is comfortable with

not committing adultery. She says that the bible

indicates that lusting after another is still considered

adultery; the intent and interest is still there, so she’d

feel guilty about doing even that. She feels that since

she married her husband, she should be entirely focused

on loving him and no one else.

However, she says that her twin soul mate is on the

other side (deceased), and that she has a very strong

connection to him and can’t keep from thinking of

him and wanting him sexually.

She asked us if we think her love for her twin soul

mate would be considered adulterous, even though

she says she has never even met him in person (in

this life).

She said she’s trying to train herself to focus strictly

on platonic love with her twin soul mate, but it isn’t

easy as she keeps reverting back to wanting him


We recommended that she reassess her belief of twin

soul mates (or twin flames, etc. as some call them)

as it’s debatable whether or not it’s a New Age myth.

Although there are different kinds of soul mates, the

concept of one, perfect, fulfilling, ultimate love

interest for each person is rooted in distorted idealism

rather than truth, as many in our field involving past

live research have found.

A twin flame or twin soul is thought to be a soul who

completes you, who is your other half. We feel this

concept is rooted in fear of being alone and a lack of

self-love. It’s an earthbound, fear-based concept.

Self-love is the only true love and nobody can give

you what you don’t or can’t give yourself.

A soul mate is defined as someone you have known in

a prior life and everyone has many soul mates. Some

are family, some are co-workers, some are enemies,

and some are lovers. Some soul mate connections

involve mostly challenge, and some (few) involve

mostly reward.

Unfortunately, personal growth and shared goals are

much more common in soul mate connections instead

of exclusively blissful romance.

We told the client that it’s unhealthy to suppress her

true urges, and that we don’t recommend trying to fool

herself into thinking that she doesn’t have sexual

attraction to someone other than her husband.

It’s natural to be attracted to and have fantasies

about someone other than a spouse or partner. What may

not be natural for many is strict, long-term monogamy.

Once she accepts this, it may be easier for her to

channel her love and lust to her husband. However,

attraction is either there or it isn’t; you can’t

create it if it’s not there from the start.

Also, fantasizing about love for someone who is no

longer living or who isn’t available may be a way for

her to express love without getting hurt or suffering

other consequences. We told her to ask herself if that

applies to her and whether or not leaving the past

behind would serve her.

Copyright © 2007 Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo

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