Marriage, Adultery & Soul Mates—It’s Natural to be Attracted to Someone Other Than Your Spouse
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A client of ours told us that she is comfortable with
not committing adultery. She says that the bible
indicates that lusting after another is still considered
adultery; the intent and interest is still there, so she’d
feel guilty about doing even that. She feels that since
she married her husband, she should be entirely focused
on loving him and no one else.
However, she says that her twin soul mate is on the
other side (deceased), and that she has a very strong
connection to him and can’t keep from thinking of
him and wanting him sexually.
She asked us if we think her love for her twin soul
mate would be considered adulterous, even though
she says she has never even met him in person (in
She said she’s trying to train herself to focus strictly
on platonic love with her twin soul mate, but it isn’t
easy as she keeps reverting back to wanting him
We recommended that she reassess her belief of twin
soul mates (or twin flames, etc. as some call them)
as it’s debatable whether or not it’s a New Age myth.
Although there are different kinds of soul mates, the
concept of one, perfect, fulfilling, ultimate love
interest for each person is rooted in distorted idealism
rather than truth, as many in our field involving past
live research have found.
A twin flame or twin soul is thought to be a soul who
completes you, who is your other half. We feel this
concept is rooted in fear of being alone and a lack of
self-love. It’s an earthbound, fear-based concept.
Self-love is the only true love and nobody can give
you what you don’t or can’t give yourself.
A soul mate is defined as someone you have known in
a prior life and everyone has many soul mates. Some
are family, some are co-workers, some are enemies,
and some are lovers. Some soul mate connections
involve mostly challenge, and some (few) involve
Unfortunately, personal growth and shared goals are
much more common in soul mate connections instead
of exclusively blissful romance.
We told the client that it’s unhealthy to suppress her
true urges, and that we don’t recommend trying to fool
herself into thinking that she doesn’t have sexual
attraction to someone other than her husband.
It’s natural to be attracted to and have fantasies
about someone other than a spouse or partner. What may
not be natural for many is strict, long-term monogamy.
Once she accepts this, it may be easier for her to
channel her love and lust to her husband. However,
attraction is either there or it isn’t; you can’t
create it if it’s not there from the start.
Also, fantasizing about love for someone who is no
longer living or who isn’t available may be a way for
her to express love without getting hurt or suffering
other consequences. We told her to ask herself if that
applies to her and whether or not leaving the past
behind would serve her.
Copyright © 2007 Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo