Is He Dating other Women?
Dear Renee (Love Mechanic),
I met a man at one of your Rapid Social events and I wanted your advice. Is there any way to find out if he is been seeing or dating other women with our scaring him away? He calls me regularly and we date two nights a week and one weekend night. We have fooled around but I don’t sense that we are exclusive. I don’t want to scare him away but only to discover if he is only seeing me? We have been dating for 3 ½ months.
Don’t want to scare him off
Dear don’t want to scare him off,
This is a common challenge in the world of dating. Getting a status report on your current relationship does turn some singles off. My thoughts are if you’re getting intimate, you must be able to communicate openly about your concerns. There are no rules for when to play around or not, or what casual sex means to you or him. Every person sets there own standards for what feels comfortable for them in every dating situation.
In some cases once you open up to sex and fooling around some people get energetically bonded to the other person when there is a connection. That bonding can mean:
* A fling or a budding relationship
Do not assume it means anything exclusive unless you both have discussed the subject. Many men write to me about how after fooling around with a date, that the woman suddenly expected them to be a boyfriend.
This is not true unless a man claims that he wants to see you exclusively. Do not assume he is seeing only you until it has been discussed. Many men are learning to tell women that they are on the hunt for a wife or long term connection just to get laid. For some people it is a game to see how soon they can get some action. Observing the way he treats you (in public and alone) combined with how often you see him, if you have met his friends or family, what activities you do together are signals he is getting more involved. If all’s you are getting is late night booty calls… he is not serious.
Suggestion on how to say it! One night while you’re on a date and he is relaxed and you feel connected, you can use this script (add your own words to it) to begin the discussion.
Steve after 3 ½ months of awesome dating I wanted to ask you if you see this relationship as a friendship or more? I wanted to know, since we have gotten so intimate, if you are seeing or having sex with other partners (so we can keep this relationship honest and not play games). I like you, I am very attracted to you and have enjoyed our few months of dating, and I wanted to know so I can also keep my options open. I am not into pressure or ultimatums, yet I am looking to find a partner to grow with and I think we have some potential… what do you think?”
This conversation is not a pressure cooker but a Let’s get real open adult discussion so you can know what is up. If he gets upset, doesn’t look you in the eye or pulls back…just let him think about it. Relax. Don’t panic. He may get nrtvous. If he says he’s open to explore, you can say Let’s try a 2 month (or whatever time frame feels right to you) exclusive dating situation to see if this is we both want…then we can re-explore it in a few months. I just want to feel safe to open up and see if this is right, because I am not sure myself at this time.
This way it leaves you both free to get out of the relationship after a short time or continue because you want to be together. This freedom feeling keeps the relationship fresh so you will focus on each other and discover if you want to go to the next level without feeling like you have to commit to a long term tr;ationship.
I applied this formula with my own relationship and we continually renewed our 3 month contract and now we are 3 years married! I knew I liked him, but I wasn’t’t into pressuring him and he appreciated that. He was going through a divorce and I knew pressure was not the answer.
I know that if more couples were laser honest it would eliminate all this worry, doubt and fear and allow you to be in the moment. People could explore the relationship with an open heart and avoid pain. Be confident, open, with no pressure or desperate vibes and speak your mind with a soft caring tone. Men run from pressure and chase women that are confident and don’t put up with games. My new CD series “Secrets into the Minds of Men” ~Lets Talk about SEX, series will help you with all theses issues. Check it out in my Product section online. 3 hours of great info to help you understand the way most men deal with the dating process.
If you have a love or dating question or dilemma please email me at: I will do my best to answer by email or add your question online. If you need more help or some guidance with a dating or love dilemma? Call me for a private coaching session at 310-827-1100. Need a Dating Make Over (Check out my makeovers online at www.RapidDating.com in my media room under TV shows)
Want to use this article or others on your site? Email us at and we can send you lots of great content!I’M LOOKING FOR GREAT GUESTS FOR MY NEW LOVE SHOW!
I am looking for Real love stories and for single men and women who want to participate in one of my upcoming TV shows. If you are interested in being interviewed about your opinions on dating, sex and commitment and want to have some fun call or email us. We will be scheduling this fun interactive taping in later October/ November.
It will be a blast!
YOU CAN GET FREE LOVE ADVICE ONLINE 24/7
Did you know I host a RENEE’S BI MONTHLY online Love Mechanics RADIO SHOW at RapidDating.com!
You can listen anytime…check it out
Call our NEW LOVE HOT LINE at 214-615-6505 EXT 6869 and leave a burning love and dating questions for Renee or Email your dilemmas to: We will use these hot topics on my upcoming shows and you remain anonymous. We do not guarentee all questions will be answered.
AUTHOR OR EXPERT NEEDING MORE EXPOSURE? Are you an author or expert that wants great exposure for your books and services related to love and dating or networking? Want be a guest on my online radio show or TV show please send a bio and info about your work at: Dating.com to schedule an appointment