Is Cheating Your Sign to End Your Marriage?
The golden rule in marriage is, “if you are ever caught cheating on your spouse the marriage is over.” For years this was the same way I felt. Although married; for over 20 years, I remember those infamous words even from my days of dating. Since that time I have come to realize from personal experience, “if I catch you cheating it’s over!” are the worst words to speak to your spouse. In today’s society we are always looking for signs, whether it is about our health, finances, relationships, destiny, spirituality or simply directions. The purpose for signs are to help in finding what you are looking for or to make sure that you are on the right path. In marriage, there will always be signs for you to read about your spouse. But, one of the biggest mistakes you can make in your marriage is choosing to end your marriage based on the signs, “spouse is cheating” or “spouse caught in an affair”.
When you receive either of these two signs in your marriage it hurts. And the pain is a pain that goes real deep in your heart. I know because my wife had an affair and I had to read both of those signs about infidelity in my marriage. For many couples, cheating is your sign that it is time to leave the marriage. On the other hand, for many couples cheating is the sign that there are problems or challenges in the marriage that need resolving, repairing, or restoring. Here are 3 ways to respond to the sign, “spouse caught cheating”:
First, you need to ask your spouse, “what is missing in your life that caused you to feel a need to reach outside of the marriage to have the void in your life filled?” Most affairs are emotionally based and when your love tank is empty the natural response is to get it filled. Although you may not agree with the answer that you receive on the question about the void, it is imperative that you respect and value the answer. The key to remember is that you are deciding if you are going to take on the challenge of restoring your marriage. In restoring your marriage, it is important to know if you are able and willing to make sure that the void in your spouse’s life does not go unfulfilled again.
Second, you need to ask yourself, “what does my spouse’s generational relationship history tell me about him or her?”; Studies have shown that 87% of people whose parents had an affair are most likely to also have an affair. Think about this for a moment that literally means 9 out of 10 people whose parents had an affair will most likely do the same. These numbers give you a better understanding of what your spouse is working against internally. There is 87% of negative energy pulling against your spouse to fall into the same trap as their parents or ancestors. For example, if you knew that high blood pressure ran in your spouse’s family, but you did not commit to making sure they ate differently, exercised and watch their blood pressure. Is it fair to say if they were to die young or before their time you could have possibly had a role in their early death?; The goal is to treat emotional sickness and disease the same as we do with physical sickness and disease. This is one of the main reasons it is important to know the generational relationship history in your spouse’s life. Having this knowledge upfront gives you the ability to prepare and plan against future emotional catastrophes. Again the sign, “spouse caught cheating” does not necessarily mean divorce.
Third, you need to ask yourself, “how would a divorce affect my dreams and goals?” One of the questions I ask my clients is, “how would your dreams change without your spouse?” If you can honestly be happy and fulfilled without your spouse then what are the reasons you are still in your marriage. Your spouse or your destiny partner as I like to call them should make the world of a difference to your future. This is not to say you cannot reach your goals without them being in your life, but when you get to that place of destiny. It does not look or feel the same without your destiny partner in your life. An affair should never be the only reason you separate destinies, futures or families. Often times I ask people do you think, President Bill Clinton would have been the president if Hilary would have left him early in their marriage due to infidelity.
Cheating over the years has destroyed many families. I strongly believe the divorce rate is so high because many couples did not marry their destiny partner. For those couples, the sign on the wall, “spouse caught cheating” is their sign to leave the; marriage. But for many spouses the sign, “spouse caught cheating”; is pointing them into a totally different direction. The journey of; healing will be painful but it is worth it!
My name is Martez Layton, I am a published author of my newly released book, “A Blessed Affair”. I am an infidelity expert and a Certified Professional Life / Marriage coach. I am a graduate of the International Coaching Academy which is accredited by the International Coaching Federation. I am very passionate about this topic regarding marriages and relationships. I have been married for over 20 years, and I have 2 beautiful children. After my wife and I both overcame our affairs in our marriage, we decided to encourage and support other couples on how to fight to restore their life and marriage. Regardless of your decision to stay in the marriage or not allow us to support and coach you through the healing process which has a tremendous impact on you and the future of your family. F