5 Strategies to End Your Turbulent Marriage
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If you feel that your marriage needs a change, you may be tempted to point fingers at your significant other. However, real change begins with a good look at that person in the mirror.
With the training process outlined in Marriage by Re design, couples learn how to take 100 percent responsibility for their own actions and behaviors that take the fun and love out of marriage.
Here are 5 do’s and don’ts that will help when taking a look in the mirror for one’s own habits:
Don’t Condemn or Criticize
Remember, you and your spouse are supposed to be best friends. Condemning or criticizing any other person is sure to slowly chip away at the relationship. Often, we get so use to our spouse being around that we lose sight of our own negative behaviors. If people are constantly criticized, it’s only natural for them to tune out the offender. When one is criticized, they experience a non-loving feeling. All in all, criticism will not produce anything positive in the relationship. If you’re spouse forgot to put the toilet seat down, the toothpaste tube in its proper spot or the dishes away, thank them for something that they did do like taking care of the food shopping instead of what they didn’t do. A simple thank-you shows appreciation along with validating the other person’s value.
When counseling for marriage, Rhonda’s advice for couples is to scale way back on complaining. Even if you’ve had a rough day at work, leave your troubles at the doorstep. Chances are that your spouse has had a challenging day also. Unless it’s something very important like a job layoff, focus on some fun things that you and your spouse can do together like watch a favorite TV show or movie. Instead of complaining about having to prepare dinner, whip up one your spouse’s favorite dishes.
Actions and Words with Love
No matter what you say or do make sure that love is the motivation. With love, your actions and words will reveal the real love that you feel for your husband or wife. For example, if it’s your spouse’s job to take out the garbage, surprise them and take it out yourself. If you’re watching a movie with your spouse, reach out for some hand-holding. Open your ears and take note of the words you use with your significant other. Positive words and compliments go a long way in establishing and maintaining a loving relationship.
Don’t Yell and Scream
Yelling and screaming only alienates others. If your emotions are high, take time to slowly count to ten. Make sure that you are in control of your emotions before addressing any issues that are making you feel unappreciated or angry. Choosing the right words in a calm state will help you to better communicate the problem. In addition, never start the conversation with the word “you.” Instead, start with words like I feel.” This approach takes a less-accusatory position, and your spouse is less likely to react in a defensive manner.
Don’t Get Defensive
Not getting defensive is really good relationship advice. If your spouse has a bone to pick, listen carefully to the issues and take responsibility. Instead of seeking to defend yourself, apologize and seek solutions that you can provide to solve the problem.