Love In General

Lie, Steal and Cheat Your Way to Love

Lie, Steal and Cheat Your Way to Love

By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts.
Okay, we admit it – our favorite new love-story movie is Leap Year (2010). We simply love the movie and have now watched it three times! The movie speaks to many of the research findings we have found over the three decades we have researched successful marriage and relationships on six of the world’s seven continents.
We are particularly enamored with the movie because it is filmed in Ireland and we recently spent a week there interviewing successfully married couples. Ireland is a beautiful country with wonderful people. We took a ton of photos, and many of our photos were of places featured in the movie.
If you are interested, you can see the iTunes movie trailer for Leap Year.
A number of the scenes in the movie are places we visited during our stay in the Emerald Isle described in one of our blogs from Ireland.
One of our favorite lines in the movie went something like this – Can you lie, cheat, and steal your way to love. And before you start getting all worked up over this line, we offer you the punch line that went like this – you can lie if you lie next to me; you can steal if you steal my heart; and you can cheat if you cheat death.
We have to admit to loving those notions! And here is what they mean in a nutshell.
1. You can lie if you lie next to me. The notion we have discovered about great marriages around the world is the essence of great love – two people in love join together to form one without losing their individual identities. Make no mistake about it, when you find the person of your dreams you will always want to be with them and have them by your side. There is something wonderful and remarkable about having a soulmate – about having someone who lies next to you while you sleep – someone who makes you feel secure and cozy because you share a bed with someone you love completely and who loves you unconditionally.
2. You can steal if you steal my heart. Being in love requires one to be vulnerable. Let’s face it; giving of yourself to another human being without conditions and with great vulnerability is not an easy thing to do! But one thing is for certain – when you fall in love completely, and you do it for a lifetime, you will do it without conditions. Stealing someone’s heart and having someone steal yours is one of the great heists of life! Enjoy it!
3. You can cheat if you cheat death. One of the important lessons we have learned in our research over this years is this – successfully married people cannot imagine life without their spouse. Near the end of our interview protocol we ask this question, Can you imagine life without your spouse? The answer is always the same – NO! People in love for a lifetime know that their life is only complete when they are with their spouse. They know that their life cannot continue to be complete without spending it with the one they have loved for a lifetime. Death changes everything! People in love want to cheat death for as long as they can because life is unimaginable without each other.
You see, you can lie, cheat, and steal in your marriage – under the proper conditions, of course!
Simple Things Matter in love and marriage. Love well!
By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
For more tips to enhance your relationship get the Doctor’s best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage (Jossey-Bass/Wiley 2010) Available wherever books are sold.
Winner of the INDIE Book Awards GOLD Medal for Best Relationship Book
Winner of the 2009 Mom’s Choice Awards GOLD Medal for Most Outstanding Relationships and Marriage Book
2009 Nautilus Book Awards Winner for Relationships

Make Valentine’s Day 365 Days a Year

Make Valentine’s Day 365 Days a Year

By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts.
Today, we were on an hour show with a blow-torch radio station, talking about love, relationships, and Valentine’s Day. We had a blast!
It is always fun reaching the folks with our positive message about our more than 30 years of research on love and marriage on all seven of the world’s continents in 47 countries.
What made this particular show notable today, and separated it from the hundreds of radio and television shows we have done, is a comment from someone who called in to the show. His name was Frank and his observation was right on and supported our research on successful love and marriage on six of the world’s seven continents!
Frank made a simple comment and it went like this – Everyday of successful love and marriage is Valentine’s Day! Truer words were never spoken! We could not agree more. Frank has it right!
Here’s the truth. If people who purport to be in love only express their love to the one they say they love on Valentine’s Day, their so-called loving relationship is questionable. We do not express this notion lightly! Here’s why.
You can never, ever, take the one you love for granted. Never, ever assume that Valentine’s Day – that once-a-year celebration of love – can take the place of 365 days of your expressions of love throughout the year.
No dozen roses, poignant Valentine’s Cards, and dinners out will ever replace your daily expressions of love for the one you love. None of your expressions of love will ever replace your time with the one you love. And frankly, none of these acts will ever replace the time they spend with you throughout the other 364 days of the year.
Make no mistake about it – Valentine’s Day is an important day of celebration for love. We don’t want to minimize this notion. But in the end, Valentine’s Day, as a celebration of love, should occur everyday – through expressions of love, simple acts of kindness, by the daily respect you show your lover, by your actions of love, and by the way you treat the one you love. Valentine’s Day should occur everyday of the year – all 365 days. And in a Leap Year, you get an extra day! What could be better than that?
Let this Valentine’s Day be the first of many Valentine’s Days to come on each day of 2013.
Creating a successful marriage is not always the easiest thing to do. Your visiting our blog suggests you are highly interested in making your relationship and marriage work! And truthfully, we have learned over 30 years of marriage research that there are proven effective ways to ensure a happy and healthy marriage. In fact, we took hundreds of tips from the thousands of happy couples we interviewed and put them into our bestselling book, Building a Love that Lasts. This multiple award-winning book — first in hard cover then in paperback – – is still the standard handbook for marriage and relationships for five years running.
**Today, you can see how you stack up to the best marriages around the world. Take the Marriage Quiz to assess your chances of achieving a successful marriage of your own.
By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz

Marriage Slumps, Relationship Ruts and Other Painful Realities About Love

Marriage Slumps, Relationship Ruts and Other Painful Realities About Love

Warning: the contents of this article may upset you. In fact, I strongly recommend that you close this page. If you’re like most people, you have a child-like naïveté about romance. I don’t want to spoil that. Sure, you were able to handle the truth about Santa Claus and the tooth fairy (oops, you didn’t know about the tooth fairy? Sorry…), but maybe you’re not ready to learn about love’s painful truths.
Okay, if you’re reading this paragraph, you’re either very curious, stubborn, or downright foolish. I warned you not to read further, so if you continue, do so at your own risk.
Twelve painful truths about love:
1. Love will not make you happy—not in the long run. In fact, it’s never been love’s job to make anyone happy. But for some reason, more and more people enter into relationships thinking that they’ve signed up for a life full of happiness.
2. Love is unpredictable and offers no guarantees. If it’s certainty that you’re after, do yourself (and your partner) a favor and remain in the dugout. When you’ve entered the game of love, you’ve gambled—like it or not. There’s no way around this truth.
3. Love is not enough to keep your relationship healthy and running smoothly. Although the Beatles announced that all we need is love, the truth is they were wrong. (And just for the record, love didn’t prevent John, Paul, George, and Ringo from ending up divorced.)
4. You can love someone and not like them. Life can be pretty unpleasant living with someone you love but don’t like. For some reason, couples stop behaving in ways that maintain their likeability factor. Big mistake.
5. Love doesn’t keep passion alive—passion keeps passion alive. If you don’t nurture romance and eroticism, you’ll end up in the land of platonic love. While this might work for some, many unhappily deny their need for sex in order to preserve their relationship.
6. You can feel lonely and still be in love. This painful truth often results from a lack of trust or an inability to take the risk of sharing all of yourself with your partner. People who feel lonely are vulnerable to looking outside their relationship for what’s missing (ironically, this pattern of loneliness can follow you from relationship to relationship).
7. That old adage, “Love is blind” has merit. Your feelings (and your desire to be in love) can obscure certain painful truths about your partner, especially in the beginning of the relationship. Rather than appropriately dealing with the shortcomings of your relationship as they arise, your myopic love-vision may allow problems to fester and grow, and before you know it, love is a thing of the past.
8. Even within committed, stable relationships, love can be imbalanced and inconstant. You may find that you love or need your partner more than s/he loves or needs you. And at other times the reverse might be true. Because humans are dynamic, evolving creatures, the love they feel for each other is also subject to change over time.
9. Love involves a fall from grace. People often enter relationships with unrealistic expectations and ideals that have more to do with a Hollywood script than real life. If love guided you into the arms of your partner, it’s up to you to toss the Hollywood script and prepare for the day-to-day work needed for love to survive.
10. Being in love can hurt. Loving the wrong person hurts even more. Here’s the irony: if you want to receive the gifts of intimacy, you must humbly stand at love’s door without the protective armor that has shielded you throughout your single life. When you take this risk, the joys and wonders of life intensify—and, sometimes, so do life’s sorrows.
11. For some reason, love doesn’t prevent ruts, arguments, or unreasonableness. If you forget this truth, you are less likely to remain committed to each other through the inevitable downturns that all relationships travel.
12. The love you feel may not last. This is especially the case when couples fail to give their relationship the attention and effort needed to keep it healthy. Because of the euphoria that accompanies new love, you might falsely assume that your relationship is immune to the struggles others face. The reality is, all relationships (even yours) are vulnerable and can buckle under stress.
There you have it, some unattractive truths about love. Are you still willing to step up to the plate and enter the game of love? If you’re like most, you probably answered “yes” to this question. Despite all the risks, people love being in love. If you’re the type of person who idealizes love, keep this list handy and refer back to it just in case you need a dose of reality.
To discover relationship tips to help you build a lasting relationship, visit http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and sign up for Dr. Nicastro’s FREE Relationship Toolbox Newsletter.
As a bonus, you will receive the popular free reports: “The four mindsets that can topple your relationship” and “Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue before your arguments control you.”

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